is it so tough to lead a positive life?

ACTIVE 'BLOG' : http://altapersona.livejournal.com

And here i come again. haven't been blogging at blogspot lately. Livejournal kinda got me... and yes, i want to skip school! i want to skip school!!!!!!!!!!!=)

don't blame me. the sleeping bug has got me in school! =D

holidays. holidays.its coming to an end. just a few more hours. school tml. now. what have i done? play...eat...play...eat... Sounds good yea? bah.

i wish there was more time. you see, its always the same thing that i complain. not because i'm a busy girl, but because i want to time for my passion.
now, i see what is ahead that i really have to forsake. just because of it. because of the fact that i'm in Singapore. i see. =_(

how ? how? how? i'm pulled by the other things besides what i have and must do according to the education system.

i hate it.
i have no choice.
REBEL

long long donkey ages, MIA...wow...pretty cool huh?
anyway...yup...somehow i think blogging sometimes has got to do a little with my spiritual level...at least not for the first 2 weeks ..but those after,i guess its something you would call...low in spirits.

now...i mark, i welcome the start of the march hols.
ays, i see a whole schedule in front...meeting..after meetings...and so i do decide not to do my work...(i hope no teacher sees this or i will be dead...)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS CRYSTAL. bah

First day of CNY was yesterday, stayed up till 4 plus am on saturday night(CNY eve) and, wow! for the first time , my mother woke me up on a sunday to go church! if it wasn't for her, i would be late and late and late!

and so i rushed out of home clad in my new outfit which i needed to get used to! :o

got back from church and then flew to the first destination.
then the 2nd..my grandma's house! she knows my stomach best! cooked so much for me...and then i think i probably cleared her goodies while playing with the cute babies! oh how adorable they are...mummy says since i love babies so much (patient with them i hope) she should have given birth to one more...i want a SISTER!

3rd destination, Great Grandma's house! wonderful! the two grandmas really know my stomach calls. GG also cooked so much for me...btw, she used to be a chef of a famous restaurant!
i'm sure to be a little round bouncy ball if i had stayed with them for a longer time!=)

what else? went on to Vivocity and play. YES! it was till then that i had to realise how much i have aged ever since the last time i played and run about at a little playground which now seems like obstacles to me when i'm cladin my WHITE HEELS!
wonderful yea? =)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! =)

pretty exciting day...early in the morning you hear commotion everywhere, gifts and wrapping papers whispering from surroundings. Now, and then you see hugs everywhere, roses standing tall on recipient's palms, girls squealing and screaming, letters passed everywhere.
-a typical scene in TKGS-

now...had MEP exam after school. not a good valentine day gift, but i met him...=) double joy...

after that, met junsheng at plaza sing...
i'll call it a green valentine..junsheng,van and i were all clad in green top/attire...and our stuffs we have are also green! how wonderful! perfect occassion. we seem to be saying : ''SAVE THE EARTH!"

back from church...i have nothing else to say, except that my God is an AWESOME God!

imagine this: sleep at 5am, wake up at 8am for morning prayer.
Awesome! only my God can do this to me. and i broke my first record of doing so!
plus i'm not tired at all despite playing the keys... *drops jaw*

anyway, received many things today....blessings! i'll count them all!

0)lovely GOOD MORNING from God!!!!!!
1) more Dark Choco from Van!!!
2)heartshape plant from Elim!!!
3)some crystalised stone with engravings from Reuben!
4)crepe rose from Jiaxing!
5)warm hug from Ailing!

most thanks to my lovely church mates! HappyValentines to everyone too!

i'm not in a dream anymore. it's finally friday. also the day where the O level results is released. i totally felt the tension today, just when they were giving the results. i was having so many thoughts in my mind...''what if...'' yes...what if? i can't do anything...i have what i want in mind. i dun want to alter that with the circumstances...could it be mended? probably not.

tough week, i must say. faced countless challenges here and there. nevertheless, i'm still surviving. i need to keep the fire burning..for what? beats me. i only know that after i collect my o level results, i'm going to declare one thing. LIFE.

metaphors always seem to speak values all the time. at least for as much as i know it. it seemed to be bringing an analogy into the word LIFE. where everyday we are living on this LIVING earth, breathing the air, and the analogy of life, i have to say is something that we are all either tired of it, or still talking about it day in and nights out.

high pressure.

i am not going to be scaleconcious. but somehow, the circumstances made me. i can't do that to myself for something i dun feel the worth to.

one minute, u find that ure in perfect heaven.
the other moment. u see that ure back on earth.

CONTRADICTIONS!

that seem to be my life. i suppose...
come one...i'm not gonna be here typing about some GP like stuff or matters although i would love to do so.

just received some message which totally freaked my brain off like nuclear.

valentine day is coming. headache. i don't want to know what is going on. i don't want to see it happen. i don't want to hear it.

wow! i love this week man! so so interesting despite all the terrible work! i just love it...
everyday also have activities on....went to PULAU SEMAKAU on thursday. i totally enjoyed myself alot...the wind breeze was like SO SO STRONG! and the sea was perfect man! the boat right was so rocky...and i realised alot about the straits of malaysia..and singapore blah blah...


then..went out on friday with friends....wow.....ahhah!binge out on food like nobody's business...
then...wrote a song...
then...it flew....
then...it past...
it's the weekend!

hahahh! i'm ubber high!

it's Sunday!

i feel really honoured to be able to soak in God's wonderful presence everyday despite my busy schedule.
now, here's a little something to share/reveal/mention :
there's this wonderful source where i found my joy and peace everyday despite my sardine packed schedule! and that's non other than my B-I-B-L-E!

yes...i had a resolution this year to finish reading the bible from front to back, back to front!
believe me, The word is real!
1)it speaks
2)it heals
3)it brings peace
4)its real!

and of course! thank God for the 2 consecutive opportunities for me to play the 1st keys...i've really really learnt alot although mistakes do occur every now and then.
2 other learning points!
--->commit my little fingers to God before service starts and pray!
--->in my daily life, be a worshipper. That's where the power will flow through!

Lastly, thank God for van (mentor)... such a lovely thing to receive chocolates filled with love at the beginning of the week on a blessed sunday morning!
i <3 you van !!! follow up! i can't wait!!!

''My child,
I am here.
Feel the love that is freely given.
See that I am always near you.
Feel my Spirit,
like a soft breeze,
as it surrounds and embraces you.

Understanding is freely given to those
who hear the Word of Godand understand its meaning.
My peace is given to you as a gift.
The windows of Heaven pour forth their blessings.
The wisdom of the ages is already a part of you.

Knowledge comes to those who study the Word of God.
Open your ears and listen to what the Spirit says to my children.
When you came to know me,
did I not say that I would never leave you or forsake you?

Didn't I put a hunger in your heart
so that you would want to know more about me?
Didn't you feel that you were different than you were before you knew me?
Didn't you feel love pouring over you
and didn't you want to share it with everyone you met?
This is the witness of my Spirit in your life.

Open your eyes child,
and see God's mighty work in your life.
Blessings are yours everyday.
They are all around you like rivers overflowing.

My child,
I am here.
You are important to me,
and I love you.'' -Jesus-

woke up rather early today...laze on the bed...
oh God! i need a good good good sleep...
some sleep that will make me really sleep and not wake up in the middle of the night just because of some worries i bear in me.
oh daddy! i dun want to be a panda all my life...
haha...some whining that was...

anyway..i hope this year i would be full of adventure with the Lord..
today during service.
for the 2nd time this year,
God spoke...
my daddy! He knows me so well.
He knows what my life would be in Him..
He FULFILS...i believe He would.

Faith is not that easy to accomplish. seeing without believing...
Language...

Lord i life ur name on High...
Lord i love to sing your praises,
I'm so glad you're in my life...

2nd day of school.
i want to tell Jesus...
''Jesus. i want to lay my burdens at the foot of your calvary...''

there's something in my mind that's blocking me....affecting me...disturbing me....torturing me!

but there's 2 ppl i wanna thank...
1)God forHis help.
2)Reuben...thanks for your prayer...and the verse below...=)
enjoy!

''whenever u feel that God seems so far away
whenever u feel your troubles overwhelm u
and u keep searching high and low,
near and far for God...
[read 1 Kings 19:11-13]
may u be encouraged..
God is there indeed.
Always''
-reuben-

Christmas Eve.

Celebrated in Church with everyone.
One of a family who came to ourchurch through a flyer that i distrubuted at a playground the night before came and accepted Christ! i'm sure God has touch them greatly!
i'm definately so excited till i was jumping for joy at the back during the video!

PRAISE GOD! 4 souls added to our church family!

But sometimes i just really feel like giving up. Giving up on my mum. i can't stand that kinda attitude. WORDS WITHOUT ACTION!

she says she loves christmas! she says she loves carols!but when i invite her to church, she dun want to come! WHY!?!??!?! all she know is to give offerings to church. (SHE HAS TO DO GOOD IN ORDERTO GO HEAVEN ACCORDING TO HER RELIGION)

she always ask me to change church. she thinks a small church is nothing.no resources. no nothing.

God placed me in KKCC for a reason. a good one.

CHRISTMAS

the youths have gone hongkong to visit our mother church....*wails*

anyway, it definately
gave me some real good opportunity to fellowship with brother eric. went to his house and
picked ivory and her 2 friends up, proceeded to north point and the 7 of us ate alot at KFC.Thank God for the opportunity to know them more! =)

Cab down to compass point from there.$10 on taxi. that's crzy!Pizza hut at night with mummy...

boring...

Dry Christmas but that's alright! the meaning of christmas, the truemeaning. definately will always lie in me.

The Birth of my Saviour is the reason for this season!

BACK FROM GENTING!
i love the weather there!
i miss the weather there!
i love the 5 star hotel there!
i miss the room service provided there!
i love the buffet there!
i miss the crazy rides there!
i love...
i miss...

haha! so much for the 3 days 2 nights. Quite short but then i really enjoyed myself....last one to wake up everyday...buffet for all three meals...eat like mad...haha!
but it's terribly big! leg hurting so much!

oh yes! i did archery there too! i had no strength to pull the bow backwards! so maluating!

played bowling too! oh man! u must have known that it's such a hot game that everyone wants to play it!
oh yes! and their Roasted Chestnuts there are like cheap and wow!!!!!!! hahah! so sweet!

now...the weather was fantastic...i just love it. the wind chops the rain away....(wierd description)

shopping? i was so lazy to try on clothes. so i just bought a top!haha!confession time.
i guess i was a glutton there! eating everything i see. and i spend 99.9 % of my money on FOOD!

can't help it when a food monster is around! =P !

i hope i'm recharged for the events!!!!!=)

great deal! i went to watch JACK AND THE BEANSPROUT performance last night @NLB drama centre!

it's my first pantomine that i've ever watched in my life..and i must really commend the script writer and director...i thought it was really good...ratings by me shall be given at the end of my post..

nextly, i must also commend the musicians...their timing are really really good...i thought their cue was really fantastic...all the effects and background music are so really good!

next, the cast are another thing i must commend. All of them are of really good quality performance...despite some of them having to act a few roles, they are really good. The way they interacted with the audience are like...wow! impromtu it may seem. but definately great!

the overall setting and lighting of the show is really good too...

alright..till then, i'm just speechless. i really enjoyed the show very much and i thought it was really perfect for people of all races, all ages, and all interest!

one point perhaps... the use of dialect might be a little deep for some who do not really speak the local dilect....but definately, if those germans beside me could laugh their heads off,
why not?

Ratings: 4/5 stars...
something rather commendable yea?

hai...i jsut hate to say it...but how come i have to?
i wished i was just in my own world...of a true reverie... *sobs* i really want time...i dun ask for more now....give me time please????
my teacher just stacked more stuff....omg...I"M NOT SO FREE!!!!!!!!

now....ok....5 matters on hand...getting me on my nerves...=(
pick me up....fly me to heaven....

thank GOd for food....or i'll die....

finally the MUSEUM opening is done. Here shall be a short recount of what i did there(mainly with the HR and Corp Comm department)
People involve: Myself, Diana, Alina, Junsheng.

Day 1 (6/12/06)

went for staff meeting at 10am, and we were desemminated to out various positions. Firstly, we all helped out to tie some commemorative things, but after that, i was seperated from them to go to the Human Resource area to do some CD cover...
i spent quite alot of time there, got to know a trainee HR, but currently doing admin.
of course it was rather stressful being there, with the tensions with the adults. but nevertheless, they showed me the other side of them.
-calling people they want to talk
-eating and eating (drawers full of tidbits and junks!)
-smsing
-concentrating only when there's a work which states ''urgent''

alright. so wells, after that, i went back to the room where my fellow mates were...yes. they were so bored there.
so....the evil me, walked fast enough to keep retrieving work for them to do! lol!
it was fun to give instructions, receiving them and stuff.
i totally enjoyed myself although the stress level was rather high already..=D

Day 2 (7/12/06) Museum Opening for VIP

today, i was asked to go down to the office an hour earlier. it was a mad rush for me. i had to be down to the office within an hour...including bathing, transport and lunch! so...yes...once i reached there, there were people rushing work ...(last minute)

After i was done cutting the name cards for the Presidential dinner, i was asked to go over to the Corp Comms department to sort some stuffs out for the dinner.
it was such a taxing job! i was there receiving some phone calls. some with embassy(austrialian) who wants a place in the Presidential Dinner as they have sponsered $3000...
thus, they classified them as Sponsers Invitation...
because of that. i've got to change some parts of the seating....
before i left to go back to the room, Lena, one of the Corp Comm person was so kind to give me tea from the Coffee Club...well. i was kinda shy but then, i thought that helped alot since i was feeling cold there....=)
Soon, i got back to the room and saw the three of them bored like anything else....
so i went to Gavin to get more jobs for them to do...afterwhich, we went to deliever some postcards booklets to The Salon...and some reception area...

Got back, and was told to buy more ribbons of similar colour from Spotlight...
it was a total mad rush as i had to attend some briefing for the ushering at night.
the worst thing was to rush everything, and a phone call came when i was speaking to Dorothy...so....i answered...nervous as i was...it was some guard of an impt person asking about parking lots...so...i went ''!?!''
yes! rushed to get a sample of the tied ribbon, and then rushed up for the meeting...

at night, i rushed thru my dinner, position myself in between the atrium and edu block stairs...(unlucky me...2 places to juggle)...things went well...and yup...tension filled me when alot of High Commissioners asked me some questions.

A photographer came to chat with me a little while and asked if he could take a picture of me and i was so so nervous....
lol....
continued to usher...and there! reception time! the food was delicious!
drank Chadonney...and some grape wine...
er, they taste terrible...like some fermented waste! lol!

had photograph session, and stuff...there....
now i really missed my times working with the office ppl! i love it loads despite the stress level...!=)))

it's tuesday. i'm suppose to be freed from all things. so much so that i can rest...but now....things just has to crop up in the wrong manner....so much so that i have to feel my holidays are being ruined...

as u all know about the new opening of the history museum, and i've gotta be there tml to do up some stuffs..
thursday is the VIP night...
it sucks though.
but looking on the bright side, i get to be there first...!=)

i need to catch up on my sleep! i need to find where my christmas would be.
i don't want this year christmas to be ruined...
the crossbearers would be far and off gone...
SAD!

Christmas concert is coming. it's just another week.
(btw,my work are piling )
i have not gotten my outfit...

but no matter what....i still wanna give thanks. to be in such a gratitude with God for giving me all these chances which are hard to come by...
thank you!

what a chaotic morning with my nose running everywhere on earth...hard to catch...but...it was compensated with the ever so delicious macdonalds delivary...
someone..who i gave morning call to...didn't wake up after dunno how many missed calls...so i had that for compensation...not bad...

anyway, work has been really fine...enjoyed myself really thorougly...had Gala Night yesterday and of course...it was so fun...wanted to have Red Wine...but then...was a good girl...so....Cranberry Juice instead....about the same colour right?

in the midst of laughter, fun and joy.
in the midst of troubles,trials and tears.
in the midst of every breathe I take.

I''ll always know that there's someone.
watching over me.
guiding over me.
blessing upon me.
every moment I take.

God. thanks for being there for me!=)

there's always a time...where u just dun feel like doing what's up when ure with someone u really treasure...
just yesterday, i went out with my dear mentor...oh...have i not introduce? that's VANessa...yep..met the pretty gurl at city hall mrt...(i love her sunglasses)! then we went Bras Brasah Complex, repaired her guitar base...went to TecMan...and i really love it...
but u just have to know...coincidentally, i saw this notice about hiring students...and so...van and i went to ask. and they straight away gave us interview forms and both of us just went ''huh''

good. that was hilarious enough. so...blar blar...blar....fast forward...to the highlight...
well...we 'dilligently'' proceeded to Raffles City and hey! i've got a choice where to dine! ''Baker'sZin or Coffee Club'' says van....

well...apparently, i took a 2nd look at Baker's Zin...then replied 'Coffee Club''...
hey...i felt great honour,cause my mentor gave me a choice, and so we proceeded....

when we reach...that pretty gurl said ''table for 2''...and i was just giggling behind her...
and hey! THE GUY PULLED THE CHAIR FOR ME>...waitied for me to sit down and push in again....(perhaps cause i was wearing formal)....
here was our order:
1)Muddy mudpie
2)Passion Tea
3)Mango Tango

and well...we chatted ....as usual...our mouths...are golden...and hilarious...i'm sure of that...

blar blar blar...
went on to shop..proceeded to SkinCAre and we put nail polish for each other...fun!
and then....TRAGIC! time to part! oh no! that's what i mean by my first sentence....

went to work...and well...become the team leader..how hilarious....handling cash...and my mind calculator was dead...lol...
Praise GOd for all!

Praise God for the wonderful service...decorated christmas tree in church too!

Jesus, i pray that you would not let me go loose from ur hands, help me get a closer and mre intimate relationship with u, guide me, lead me, change me...

anyway, here's my schedule for the week...sardine!

MONDAY
- meet Mrs Andre, go her condo to help her with her solo seal ballet accompaniement till 6pm
-rush for Singapore Symphony Chorus rehearsal until 10 pm

TUESDAY
-meet Mrs Andre again,morning till 4 plus ....
-meet friend...

WEDNESDAY
-meet my dear mentor until 5 plus..
-go for jobshadowing at 6....till late night..

THURSDAY
-out with yeekei and aileen
-jobshadowing till late night

FRIDAY
-meet aileen at 12
-jobshadowing till late night.

SATURDAY
-jobshadowing from 1 till late night

惟有你,
是我心中的要点.
渴望这每一时,
每一课.]
我软弱的心灵,
就深深藏在你荣耀的手中.
就连我在心情最低垂之中,
你还时时刻刻地照顾这我的需要.
神呀,
我实在要说,
''我爱你''

yesterday,
went to watch STEP UP with my beloved mentor- VAN and junsheng...

here it is...

STEP uP! (MY REVIEW)

such an interesting movie with loads of heights in it!but when it reaches beyond the dance flooor, the movie just fatally stumbles and never regain it's footing.
perhaps it's because it could have included characters which are cliche...
like mention, it's hackneyed , predictable script is a giant step in moving the wrong direction.
rating? 3/5 stars?

today, went to watch ''a good year''
more of my reviews?
here is it...

A GOOD YEAR (My Review)

Setting in France...A simple repast consisting of sometimes strained slapsticky comedy, a sweet romance and a life lesson learned, A good year has the makings of a pleasant, serene romp through grapevines and lovely French vistas. But while being terribly atmospheric, the story itself tends to drag on.
otherwise...it has an interesting cultural mix and sarcasm(very minor)...

ratings? 3.5/5 stars

2 more days...and i'm freed from waking up so early every morning...
well. once again, i'm suffering from severe writer's block. i guess the surroundings...the mundane surroundings...the stressful surroundings ain't getting me anywhere in position to pen down anything at all..

THE paper is blank...except with the tinge of black unspoken ink....

anyways...there's nothing much to be updating about...except for the many events that will be going on in my lif for this holidays...

1) JOBSHADOWING...gosh...work?
2) CHRISTMAS CONCERT...oh no..a solo part...*wobbles leg*

help?too late...it's just my luck....
no! crystal still wants CHOCOLATE!
her beloved BELGIAN DARK!
oOoO....
DARK MINT!....
oOoO....
potato chips...and everything nice!

her stomach is rumbling!

the long awaited weekends are finally here at my sight.
with a week more to go with extended studies, i definately would excitedly long for that very coming day...
but i've gotta say this,
i really really tresure every single day of my hols...doing what i really want.
something that i really really want to enjoy as a pleasure of fact....
so there...
i really did so...
give me more creative juice!

and yes, it feels good to face a table of food...lavish...exuberant...and whatevernots...
=) -double cheers- =)

my only thing that i wanna eat in this hols...(Which i have yet to) is FRENCH CUISINE!

recommandations anyone?

2nd week of extended studies...it's just the 3rd day...
a list of happenings since the 6th nov...

1) went out with Van, Reubs, Jiaxing, Yeekei on monday to city hall area...had fun definately...and i just have gotta confess that it was really a wonderful time to have a nice chat with yeekei while the rest were bowling...i just love it! haha!=)

2)went Hougang mall to meet Jiaxing and Junsheng yesterday...Gelare half price waffles with maple syrup...! yummy! i'm hooked on maple syrup and the wonderful classic colour of BROWN!

and finally today!
after school, met hengyue, and made our way to Compass point..yepp...our meeting are not always the crazy type..sometimes, we chat, and stuff...how grown up it can get....*hmmm*

so what u wan me to comment about?
i've gotta CONFESS... i've been in my own world lately unless some crisis occurs to wake me up to be involve...otherwise...i'm really dazing in my own arena...at some far away places!

oh man! Reverand Lau said to DREAM BIG! not DAY DREAM! hahah!

oh crystal. ure such a lamer!

MONDAY....
i'm back to another week of extended studies. i hope it'll seem better for me...but i do reckon that it would be....anyways...it's been alot of happenings recently...fun, bad, sad, joy, craziness, insanity...and whatevernots...

i miss going out...those really fun times ya know?
it's just purely enjoyable...

but through the course of time, i realise many things...
1)i found myself to be of quietness recently,
to put it in another way, i dun really like to talk that much unless i feel like i've got something i really wanna convey out...

it could be the aftermath of may incidents, facing with callous people.

2)I found that to gain someone's approbation is so tough...
going around with a piqued heart,
it serves me no better...

3)almost imposssible, but it occured to me tat my olfactory is even affected!
wow! interesting...an apathy against life...
i would far much want to eschew from doing detestful matters...

they are just an infinity which surrounds.....

i dun wanna be reclusive!

oh dear, my internet connection went corroding down their way, it's been long since i came online...so it's just a sneak using the school's computer...

anyway...today is friday...it marks the end of the FIRST week of extended studies...
to be frank, it's definately much better than staying in the classroom whole day long. we get to use different venues to study and have our lessons at...and stuff...

bane...
oh God...help me out...my life just seemed so disillusions with all the !##&^#* problems that i'm facing...it's nothing nice...
help me still be good despite all these terrible things....i don't want to tolerate them any long...

CHOIR?sucks... i dun wanna be in SYF >.<
wat's up with the conductor???

_ _ _ _ _ _ -->... trouble maker...

Parents... STRESS...

academic? ****!

tell me... i dun want this DISILLUSIONED life to go on any longer...!!!!!!!!11

I stood by the sea,
In it,I saw
Life,
in almost an eternity.

The sea inhaled and exhaled,
just like the gentle sigh of waves.
It was taking deep breaths.

Life,
pulling the waters on the warm bed of sand,
it inhaled.
pushing it out into the sea,
it exhaled.

Glistening,
were the dewdrops of nature.
fragile and beautiful is it's life
sparkling in the ebony pool.
It was a moment of gold.

alright! that's just something i wrote...a poetry with a tad of momentum?
nahh! i wouldn't know about that...
my new found love-writing!=)

a new found hobby, the aftermath of exams really got me through. perhaps...writing, playing piano, singing, drawing and going online..
yea! they become my hobby!
Perfect!=)

Dissonant.
A note of one,
another which clashed.
Beheaded the walls,
of which peace reigned.

A sixth from German,
another from France.
They form together,
in search to scare.
The melodious in hiding,
the harmonics exposed.

What was it like?
Such a life of mine.

SABBATH! FINALLY!

i'm back to church!
i'm really happy...the feeling of just the moment when you enter really is like as if ure visiting a long long long lost friend or something...
worship was great! i mean...it really just feels perfect...so there!

reverand Billy Lau visited our church today! and yes..his sermon was interesting and stuff....
i just feel good....
yeah?

oh come on!

GOD IS GOOD!=)
we're NOTHING! remember that
but with GOD is SOMETHING!

we're good in him yeah?
take caress!

and ....thanks to all those who tagged at my board! love ya all! =)

LITERATURE and CHINESE today.

for lit, i was rather surprise. Very surprise indeed. if u know abt it, my GreatGrandFather pssed away on the night before my Literature paper, thus i'm really unable to study.

i expected myself to fail. really. but of course i would wail if it had happened as Lit is predominantely one of my most well done subject in my history besides the other 3.
yes.
i cant belive it, having to clinch a high B3(missed A2 by a mere 2 mark).
better off, getting the highest for one of the question from Macbeth.
Gracious.Awesome!
how could that be?
and there was this perfect comment which i never see my Lit tch write before.
''Crystal, a Very well done essay written!''

yes! i did it! Literature is awesome!

next, Chinese. yes. i'm Disappointed. i really want that A1 for it. but the paper set was REALLY DIFFICULT....so, i should be satisfied with my results.
it's the same mark as Literature. so yea.
i just can't believe it.

i just have to believe in ONE factor.

BELIEVE IN URSELF, URE NOT THAT BAD U KNOW? CHEER ON!

i'm gonna fail math!

sighs. i've gotten back more today.
SS,ECONS,and CHEM...

i'm utterly disappointed with chemistry. i think it has failed me like nobody's business. i studied the hardest for chemistry, and what do i get in the end? nothing satisfying.
alright. it's not like i'm the only one who did badly.
my class has 29 F9 failures.
so what's there to say? the paper is **** difficult.
but since it's the case, would i bother?

i'm living a life full of dissonance. the changing notes in my life, seems so drastic.
the passing notes, seem like leaping compound notes of interval.

i want an appoggiatura, which evens out my life.

there's no use aiming high, when the teachers have already hinted u that the paper is gonna be real tough.
it just disappoints u in the end.

but for ECONS..it was a pure surprise.
can i thank REUBEN YEO for the help?
yes he did me much.
mdm GOH praised my INFLATION question.
said did it well.
good lor.

thinking about L1R5, i can't seem to find enough good subs.
ENG, CHI,LITERATURE,ECONS?, seem to be one of the best for me.

BIO? perhaps.
i haven't gotten results.......*fades away*

i guess i'm just born in the wrong country.
i'm in a country who puts education higher than anything.
with such mediocre results, it can't bring me anywhere.
at least if i know of, it would be nowhere better.
if you ever come to think twice, i mean, i find that i shouldn't be studying that hard at all.

why do those people who dun even study, sleep during exams can score so well?
why do people like my younger brother who whole year round ignore his homeworks and textbook get to score straight As??

enlighten me.

i dun understand.
i think language is such an accident thing.
you can be scoring As through the year.
but a minor slip in the impt exam can bring it tumbling down like no one's business.

my strongest subjects aren't suppose to fail me.
PLEASE!
music.literature.english.chinese!
don't fail your beloved lover here!
it's gonna kill her!

it's time that i should be even more awake.
i felt that no matter how hard i try and study,
the questions are there to attack me.

hell load of nonsense.

this is dumb. very dumb.
early in the morning. i woke up.
what did i get from my mum?
"YOU ARE NOT TO GO CHURCH TODAY!''
alright. thanks alot.
so i kept quiet.
i SHOWED her a face!
a disgusting face. a very horrendous one.
and walked away.

oh come on. for goodness sake.
don't let me go right? FINE!
it's not my fault anyway.
i can't change that $%%^%^& brain of urs.
so too bad.
I"LL SHOW IT TO U THAT I STAYED AT HOME CAUSE OF U!

sucks.

what do i get from staying at home?
burst ear drums.
nag nag nag.
HELLO?
I DID NOTHING WRONG!
bad mood dun come and attack me CAN!?

what a mother!
OH BOTHER!
WTH!

alright! it's been more than a month since i updated.
all because of the FINAL YEAR EXAMS.....
yea they kinda suck i know that... but i managed to persevere throught with the Grace of God....
it's all over. i've worked all i can
i did my best.
it seemed HELL...u mug everyday. non stop.
run out of places to go and study.
go home study also wrong...sleepy environment....
pure nonsense. i'm sry.

yesterday.
it's over.
today. shopping?
i just have to come and realise how much sleep i have lost through the exam period.
9 hours of sleep after that isn't enough to recover anything.
yawning and stuff.....
what have i got to do?
i've got a few ppl to thank....for my exams...
1) GOD
2)teachers
3) Reuben( thanks alot...econs really was all thanks to you)
4)MY BRAIN CELLS (thanks for sacrificing for such an unworthy owner)

next up. RESULTS....
GOD....
i'm trusting all in u that a miracle would happen to my results....
i know i didn't go church during the exam period.
sry.

HOLS ENDING SOON!

waaaa.....good announcement eh?
i think i spent my holidays going out everyday until so late....
no i mean....
yes!
those SALES and FOOD fair...in singapore expo ....

is that my niche? mUAHAHAH!

FOOD LEHH! u know go there test test...
then u can be full...
and i think the amount that i have eaten can feed like 15 war sufferers!

ummm...dun stare...dun stare...
me and my mum bought so much food until when daddy saw us...
he went ''GOT WAR COMING MEHH????''

yes...cause we bought so much enough to last for a war period! =PPP

CRYSTAL=FOOD??

*Chuckles*

THANKS JER for that wonderful book u've given me!

title of book--->THE REST OF GOD
i think that i'm just pure blessed with such a good senior...
despite her busy schedule and being out of TKGS already...
she never fails to check on her beloved juniors...
and yes!
thanks a million! <3
i'm sure i'll have a better relationship with God!

alright. went for maths extra lesson yesterday...
went heartland mall with diana....
was down with some headache the previous night...
so i thought it kinda didn't matter...
but then after i got home...had sore throat...
and after she left my house...i realise that i'm having FEVER!

yes...wat luck...but still had pizza hut delivery for dinner...
then took medication then go to sleep...
SUPER DROWSY...
didn't go sch this morning cause of the medication

oh yes! did i not mention why i cld eat pizza?
i prayed...with lots of faith that GOd would heal my sore throat...
and GOD HEALED!
my throat ain't pain=)

fill me up with your power and strength...

THANKS LOADS DIANA! =)

yes...u probably wonder why...but ya..just got back from Jalan Kayu...
went there for a fabulous dinner...
it was a treat from her to thank me for helping..that's all...
with a HAPPY TEACHER"S DAY to kick start...
feel quite bad la...but then she's been trying hard to treat me...
shall not disappoint her in whatever i'm doing...=)

anyway...really...thanks alot diana!
u made my life so meaningful just when i almost made it fell...
yes.
you can do it! =)

guess wat we ate?
LOADS!
shall not mention before any one of u needs to be sent to the hospital

but laughter,joy, food and everything just made my whole day seems so good.
i think i'm just really grateful to have a friend like her...
share some similar things at least...and has our niche in our ways to help one another to perk each other up with life...

=)) double smiles!
ok...i'm DUMBFOUNDED....

i found the real meaning of life...
after all that has happened! =)

PATIENCE...

GOd...help me...
i'm just all irritated...
at some ppl..i'm not going to mention.

yes i know....wadeva it is...
i dun care wat other's think..
I"M LIVING MY OWN LIFE...
if i feel that it's a life of quintenssence...

every decibal of sound i hear from someone just irritates me...

it's gettting difficult to tolerate now adays.
i'm learning real hard..
there's so many things around me...
surrounding me like some eternity of flame...
instead of glory....
that simply irks my puny brain

FULL STOP!

Good morning! welcome to Saturday26/8/06.
i'm crystal. and i'll be your host for this entry.=)

alright that's kinda lame...
actually mass communication is kinda fun yea?with all the stuff and everything...commenting and critisizing...reporting and writing...
THE POWER OF LANGUAGE...=)

it's still to that extend that it sometimes just is a challenge to write well or rather give some excruciating comment or reviews. TO THAT CERTAIN EXTENT.....

alright. FYE is approaching in no time...and tell me...
which organ or cell or tissue on me express that I AM READY?
yes....precisely....

do i run for the quintenssence of life?
or do i catch the fire of life?

everything to me
is more than a story.
more than words
on a page of history
He's the air that i breath
the water i thirst for
the ground beneath my feet.
He's everything.

it's been around 1 month plus...ever since i had that 1.30 hr for God...
not until sunday night....
when i was just so greatly touched by God during quiet time...
i wept non stop in front of Him...
and he spoke and touch so much till i was so tired, i naturally fell asleep...

what have i been doing?
GOD...ure really so wonderful in my life...
sometimes i just dunno how to thank you...
people ask me...''who is this God?''....''why are u worshipping Him?''

all i could say was ''because i love Him..''

but now...i'm just so able to tell others...
''MY GOD, is a God...who not only LOVE...HEALS...and JUDGE.
but MY AWESOME GOD is one who CARES!
one who NEVER FAILS U,
one who is ALWAYS THERE...''

i also want to thank God for my brother who came church...
i was just shocked...
but i know GOd's working in him...
i can see that he cares for me...
and is just different..

THANK YOU JESUS=)

SABBATH iS TODAY....

and i just have to say...
the CROSSBEARERS are really whom i lOok up to besides God...=)


let me blabber and whine before i sayss....=)

BLABBERS:
-today's worship by Reuben was fabulous!...=)
-sharing by Jiaxing was wonderful!
-daddy's fetching me first before naughty brother!
-worship by Van during YF was good!
WHINES:
-brother dun want to pay for lunch
-naughty youths during lunchtime.
-school tml

God is good overall...and really....
i think it's a real real joy to spend time in his kingdom every Sunday...
without fail, it cheers everyone up...

You're all the i need,
the reason i live.
ought to be the one,
i worship and love.
for your faithfulness is greater,
than those on earth.

longing for your touch,
your love and strength.
never would want to drift apart.
ever again.

thank God for my ECONS presentation....tch say it was very good!

droning....and everything...
sometimes i just dun get why i just have gotta be a pure thinker...
i just wonder wat makes spices in our lives...
i'm just thinking mad everytime...
it brings one to be really quiet and so on.....
u wouldn't smile when u think. but.......many things are going on inside...

yes...that's me...alright?
so many things on mind...
they either just purely irritate me.
or they just want to make me burst.

OH BRAIN! COME ON!

and i dun exactly give a damn to this clot in my wind pipe....
I CAN"T BREATHE properly....
so do i give a damn?
NO, obviously...

purely missing...........
something.
someone.
moments.

that's it.

today, is a sunday. was rather late for morning coporate prayer.
but despite, i went.
infact, thank God that i went...cause i could feel his presence,
i just have so much to tell God.
seriously, i dunno wat i shld do.
i want my spiritual life to get better, i want my studies to be equally good.
TIME MANAGEMENT.
that's the barrier for most ppl, but i just have to THANK YOU JESUS...
he's been helping me with time management that i find no problem doing extra things.

infact,
my problem is just STRESS...
that's all...but that is unchangable.
tell me who doesn't face stress in the world?
tell me who who wants to do well does not get stress?
i'm having a battle with JOY and STRESS,

today during sermon, so many thoughts went through my mind.
i saw Reuben drawing those little cute cartoons on his sermon notes,
and i was just wondering...
how good it is to just remain child like...
and i just started, and hope to treasure my youth.
it isn't too late. but i wonder if i'm permitted to.

what's a youth's desire?
what's my desire?
what can i do when i'm just young and so easily bullied...?

that was just going thru me for at least 6 months.
God, tell me.

let's see..it's 12 august today.....

1st-12th...
what have been going on?
national day...holiday...sleep....eat....work...pigg....stomach flu...
YES! speaking about that... VIRAL GASTROENTHIRITIES is pure terrible....
but count urself lucky if u ever get it and dun vomit...
otherwise....u jolly well go to the wonderful hospital...

sometimes i just have triple of zillion thoughts,
i still dun understand wat i'm doing all these for....
i wonder...''if the world hasn't been improving...so???''
we dun need to improve ourselves,
i feel that whateever we do, we are just purely doing it for our own survival on earth,
to admire the quintenssence of mother nature...
SO???
We're gonna DIE in the end...
everything will just be perished into no where...
can we reunite with it?
HEAVEN IS A WONDERFUL PLACE FOR US....

are u...? are u gonna gain that ticket to heaven???

main event--> NAPFA 5 stations.

got A for everything except incline pull up...
but i've got sth to share abt that!

well..yes...i admit i was about to give up continuing incline after doing 3...
can die for me already...long time never train...
but suddenly...this really big group of my friends were behind me screaming...and cheering me on...
wow...attracted a crowd and gosh....
THE POWER OF ENCOURAGEMENT........
i did 12 after that!
gosh! its 4 times of everything!
but most importantly...it's been a long time since i was so touched by gratefulness...
i couldn't stop thanking God for them in my heart...

then after that...a few came up and thank me for wat i've did to them in the past...
and never did i realise...how on moving a friendship and encouragement could be...

and yes! chemistry CA....whole class failed except 1...every class also about the same situation..
but gosh! yes! i failed! but i improved!
i just couldn't believe it...i thought i would be the one with the single digit...
but THANK YOU FATHER! thank yOU!

i'm just so filled with gratitude in my heart.

i'm gonna backtrack....

MONDAY.(31st july)

wat a schedule to start the day with ....had so many exams and stuff going on..
but nevertheless...it's really something to thank God with cause the day ended on a light note..
had rehearsal with the Singapore Bible College Choir...so there...
yupp...
despite all..there's many things that God had made me realise deeply...
somehow i just feel different...i felt that something is just changed.
out of nowhere...i was just taught...how to love even more...
through circumstances where friends are in trouble and needed my support...
i'm sure Hengyue did too! =)
my mummy hengyue!

it's another fortunate day i shall say?
at least i gotta chance to get back before 5 for another time.

God's plans are really good...and i really mean it.
He sees our needs...and plans our day for us.

take today for example,
yesterday was such a hell day for me...
but i just told God yesterday how much i don't want to live that kinda life,
full of anxiety. deadlines which realy makes one dead.
but we still can't deny the fact that we are Singaporeans, who live such hectic lives
in this society of meritocracy...

but today despite all...i could just feel GOd's strong presence beside me in everything i was doing today,helping me with lessons...
keeping me awake and kicking...
...if my other friends could feel it...how good it would be...=)

JESUS I LOVE U! =)

i haven't never meant for things to be that way, but u had made it good.

what's school uh?tell me can?
go there to study and get sick
or go there to learn more ar?

@#*&^%$ la!

i dun wan that hell day to arrive for goodness sake!
next monday i've got sickening 8exams!

ECONS, CHEM, ENG, CHI, ENG ORAL, MUSIC WRITING,MUSIC HISTORY, MATH

tell me now!
IS THAT ENUFF?????
it's too much la.
sry...

where is my life?

yeah! PRAISE GOD! just got back from church...

i've got really loads to share about the great works God has done in my life this week...
this week...i gotta really admit...i've been having problem doing quiet time...
that feeling of like...each time i want to do...each time i wanna get closer and love GOd more...
there wld be a barrier...
that feeling which is bringing me away from doing so...

and i really gotta say...it's been really hard on me...
i felt...and i know...
God has been by my side all the while...
helping me with my time and everything...

but there was this barrier...satan perhaps...the feeling isn't good....

and to cut the long story short...

on friday..when i wanted...and was all ready to go for cell group....
i suddenly decided that i shld stay at home....
and spend that time with GOd....
that PReCIOUS PERSONAL TIME...
which i have stuggled to have...
and yet it came so naturally this time......

so i did....
when i started worshipping GOd on the piano. everything changed...my fingers just played so naturally...more natural than ever...God was moving my fingers totally
and my heart was like being set free...
weeping before the Lord...
i told him...''God...never will i want to leave u...i do not want that to happen again...''

and yes...let's give a clap offering to the Lord!=)

Jesus, let me persevere in my life,
allow me to be like Joseph...
let not any negative attitude ever enter my life,
keep me the way i am and make me better...

firstly....THANKS TO THOSE WHO GAVE ME THE ORANGE DAISIES+ROSES!

3 CHEERS AND 3 CHEERS and 3 CHEERS for CHORAL FEST!!!

sadly....it's over...and i indeed have had a really wonderful time there...
time just passes so slow when we were rehearsing..but now...
we seem to be just missing one another...
all the fun, joy...laughter...criticism(maybe)..and everything..
it's all stuck in our heads...

and not forgetting wat MR TOH (our conductor) says...
He has been sharing to us about how blind love is...

and indeed..he said...''gals, u all must remember...LOVE IS BLIND...''

one most memorable thing...
was to sing the solo...
it was just so freaking...and ya...after i got back to the choir...
i thought i did so badly...
but then...DANIELLE....told me i did a great job!
YAY!
thanks loads too for the rest of the other ppl's support!

the finale seemed really so magnificent...
and it's the next most memorable thing yesterday night...
singing with the rest of the ppl...
PIEDMONT CHOIR...SATB choir...and everything...
wow...
it made me so speechless or sth...

after the whole thing ended ( including ''sending '' hengyue off...)
DARYL accompanied me home...
gosh...kinda made me feel guilty...
but He said that he was willing so...
oK lor...=)
thanks loads to EVERYONE!!!!

back-to-school life is gonna be tough for the choral fest ppl..
but...YOU ALL CAN DO IT TOO! =)

alright...
i know it's been a long time since i blogged or something...
a quick update...
CHORAL FEST has been my life so far...
EXAMS....has been part too...

they both played a terrible role...alright...
the story goes like that...
EXAMS....fought with CHORAL FEST...and thus...
it caused their poor bearer, Crystal to be all uptight and nuts...
they fought so badly till their bearer couldn't take it and decided to go burning the midnight train off blazing...

now...have u gotten a gist of wat's going on in me now?
good!
i'm glad u did...

life has to be struggling...
sometimes it got so hard...
God has been neglected...
and he goes asking...
''where have u been daughter?''

''i'm sorry...i dun want to neglect you anymore'' -crystal-

at my friend's house....apparently doing geography project...

it's YOUTH DAY HOLIDAY TODAY...
but still not much to regoice...can't go out and enjoy of something but...
sighs...
van just asked if i wanted to have dinner with her but then...
i have got SSC tonight...
that's why...

i wonder if my life have beocme a PDA phone...
a calender in disguise...

Second day of school...
but...i'm gonna blog about the ridiculous yesterday!
well...would anyone ever believe? (perhaps only i can't)
most teachers didn't exactly come yesterday and there was only three lessons going on...
it wasn't as what i expected...super slack ( first time in history for this year)
how lame...ridiculous...didn't i warn u?

who leads a monotonous life?
sometimes i guess...being a student is just all about killing time?
alright soemthing i'm gonna touch on is rather controversial...
infact it has been in my mind for quite some time
imagine..if the world's technology didn't improved...
and everyone just lived like those good old relaxed days...
wouldn't things be just different and we wouldn't need to study and stuff...
you see....
it's just all these things that make our lives busy and hectic...

ain't singapore known for te good old reputation of containing ppl who are so stressed up in lives
till they make underachievers feel so cold in the society?
but no onen seems in concern...
SELF CENTERED...
is the the word to use?

....................................................ARGUE WITH URSELF!................................................................

it's SUNDAY! the last Sunday before school reopens!
and AMAZIngLY! HE , My GOD has filled me with so much joy!

yes...service was good too!
lunch was better!
didn't eat the whole day yesterday and today...i wanted to give up eating...
but thank GOd for VANESSSA! yay! cause she took some food for me!
and i just attempted it! having to find that the potato was so soft!
so thank God!

then had youth fellowship..
after that!
YAY! went to meet quanlong at orchard with the rest of the church youths!
was really happy seeing hiM! long time no see!

and YAY! thank God for another thing!
that I FINALLY LAUGHED REAL LAUGHTER after 2 months!

WOOHOO!
GREAT IS THE LORD AND GOD ALMIGHTY!

school is starting tml!
and... yes...new challenges...but God is always there! HE LOVES !

GOD LOVES..dun't u know???

it wasn't too long before i had to tolerate such things...
had dental appointment yesterday...
and put the elastics...
at first...it wasn't so pain...counting on the fact that i could still eat carrot cake???

but today....it was ! @ # $ % terrible!!
so pain...till my tears just couldn't resist....
in sucha bad mood so i'm gonna say SORRY...
i wonder wat would be the outcome of me after this 6 weeks of elastics..
that's how long the pain would last cause i still have to change it often...

i gotta pray!
NO WAY I"M GONNA THROW TANTRUM!
NO WAY!

TOLERANCE
TOLERATE!
TOLERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's almost another week that has passed...
THURSDAY is today....
3 more days...and i'm gonna scream for sadness....
school's gonna reopen...
so many things undone..
yet so little time...

bleah on me...
i dun go poetic...
cause i'm not one...
i'm straight to the point?
sometimes not...
but dun ever try getting on my nerves...

PRAY PRAY PRAY!
dental appointment tml...
I"M GONNA KICK THE DENTIST!
cause she's doing something to me= cannot bite!
! @ # $ % ^ & * ^ to the dentist!

today...is...SABATH! yay! it's another wonderful SUNDAY!

praise God for all that has happened!
i've learnt so much from God...
so much that HE(my God) has spoken to me...
and i just wanna thank Him...

so now...i wanna learn to transfer the unfailing,unconditional LOVE,
to u all homosapiens there..
so in short, it's actually LOVING ppl too=)

if there was one thing in life that i'm asked for,
God is sufficient...
for in HIM alone,
will i glorify,
will i seek the real purpose of this delicate life....

am i like too worked out with stress or something?
i had a horrilbe NIGHTMARE about O LEVELS last night...
i'm so scared now...
i dun wanna take the O's....i know i'm not gonna do well one...
wat if...
wat if i can't make my mum satisfied with the O level result like PSLE?
wat if i can't enter the a good JC?
wat if i enter poly?
wat would my life be of me?

wat if...wat if...

gosh...
dunno wat's up la...having horrible headaches...and some stupid hyperventilation...
not a good sign i have to say..
but I"M REFUSING the thought of doing anything to it...

if i could leave earlier....
and be up in heaven.....
things perhaps might be better yea?

okay..before i start....TAG REPLIES(though i replied but not so clear)

to BOY: HEY! dun so chicken can? reveal urself la! never seen such a chicky boy like u! goSH!
to JUNSHENG:hee....u got van to celebrate ur bdae mahH! hahhas!
to JERUSHA: Im so gonna see the guy u like!
to WUNYEN: HEY craab! yes! I LOVE DUCK WINGS and i'm going there again! =)

went out with TASHA! today!
met at yck mrt...and i was just thinking from that time onwards...
cause she say there's like a belated birthday surprise for me...and i wonder wat...so...
slowly it was revealed...
1st revealed -->got off at city hall
2nd revealed-->headed towards esplanade
3rd revealed-->roof top garden!

saw two couples..so we found ourselves a place...so that we wouldn't spoil their date...after we sat down,
tasha waited for the tourists from japan to take their leave..
she said cause it's a rather silly surprise...
but...I WAS SURPRISED inddeed!
SHE GOT ME A CAKE!
oh gosh!
that was like SO SWEET TASHA! <3 ya loads!!!

went off to milenium walk...and went to CANDY EMPIRE!
yes! i did went crazy there!
CANDIES AND CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!! RAHHHHHHHHH!

went off to town....dinner...at macs...
then we continued walking!
and blar blar...till we're so drained..
and now i'm home

FLU...HEADACHE! rahhhhh

YAYS!!! had my date with MS CHARMAINE LIM yesterday!
went to watch SHE"S THE MAN!
and i really like that show! it's ROMANCE COMEDY!
and ms char likes it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*claps+drum rolls*

alright....i'm asked to do this from EILEEN BOEY"S blOG!
soo....i shall obeY! (so guai right)

INSTRUCTIONS: state 8 diff points of your ideal lover,Mention gender,tag eight others to do it.

GENDER of ideal lover : Male(duhh!)

*1:loves GOd passionately(willing to serve)
*2:sense of security(nice shoulders!)
*3:regards love without having a materialistic thinking.TRUE LOVE
*4:first impression attracted by me(dat's impt u noe.)
*5:caring in nature(hospitable...does not despise others...)
*6:preferably not too low a voice..(tenor)
*7:responsible,loyal,punctual..blar blar(i'm sure the guy wld..my taste not that bad la)
*8:has a career!

8ppl i wanna them do:
-tasha
-jerusha
-alina
-zhi jun
-jiaxing
-weihan
-elim
-theorell

TML"S MY DATE WITH TASHA!

alright apparently i'm back from kota tinggi...
yes....nothing to say about there..
but the boat ride at late night was FANTASTIC...
i bet van....(the other nature lover) would love it as much as i do tOO!
well...yes came back but sick...
haven't u realise that SICK has been haunting me? hahas!

alrights...
hai...busy morning i had..while i'm still in my dreams,
and because i'm such a light sleeper....i heard my phone ring at 8 plus in the morning!
oh purlease! which day will i get my full sleep?
i doubt so...perhaps the day i go heaven would be it

so busy....busy busy...
projects all not done and i just knew that i was suppose to lead the project(S)
see! it's with the (S) means MORE THAN ONE...
good! now ure not blur!
argh! well..
I MUST LEARN TO RELAX!
*breathe in breathe out*

tonight or rather later...
will be meeting charmaine to watch movie..
first time going out with her and i'm sure it'll be kinda fun yea! =)

tml is my date with elim....
wednesday is with TASHA...
thurs van is coming back
friday i dunno if she going out...


my life revoles around meettings,schedules and deadline...

but i'll always remember..
GOD CAME TO GIVE LIFE, NOT SCHEDULES!

sometimes...i have to admit...
i really get really really amazed at what 0ut MIGHTY GOD can do....
didn't i said i was runnig a high fever of like 38.5degrees?
and by yesterday midnight...it was amazingly down to like 37.8 degrees....

and this morning...i woke up feeling UNUSUALLY good!
usually i would be having a good headache...and many nauseatic feelings..
but today i didn't!

this is a GOOD BIG! testimony to share about my Lord Jesus Christ...
yes...my friends were shock!
and today while talking over the phone with van she was like
'' hey! u sound ok wat...''
YES I DID!
no lies! 100% guarantee true crystal's voice!

hahas! that's MY LORD, MY PRECIOUS FATHER!
=)

yepp...went to play bowling today...
not bad la...improving quite abit..
learning to have more style?
hahas!
yes! dun STARE! bowling have style one oK...
dun play pray...
DAYTONA!
yes! i'm almost stuck to it too! can't help it...
but once u know how to play well (CREDITS: VANESSA YEO!),
u feel so good! =))))))

FEVER>.<

can u believe it? it's the HOLS?
andi'm not even doing anything
feel so ultra ridiculous...
useless perhaps...
i know......
but then...
why do u think i'm feeling so useless huh?
not even some very excellent student...
or something...
like that already then get fever...

i think i'm just useless..
hais....

Sunday just passed, it was yesterday...it seemed very eventful to me in good and bad ways...i'm not gonna mention the bad...cause i dun wan to recall of it...
but yep...i shant say the good either...and just talk about today!

woke up....went to school for chemistry..almost half the class not present...then....after that went to ANG MO KIO LIBRARY...yepp...sat ther...lOoked out of the window...and..i was just thanking God for His wonderful creation...went home...and ...i just felt so chaotic...becasue of some ppl and stuff....helpless i was...and i just stayed in my room and yupp...

then....
i thought that sleeping could make me forget of everything...
and as i was abt to do so...VaN calLEd.....=)

so.....
we went out...
and i thank God that she actually asked me out...
realy really can't stop thanking God for that...
otherwise...i really dunno what would be out of me...

i must say that this gal has been and is a blessing to me...
each time when i just needed some encouragement,
she would be just there without fail...

yupp...so..while waiting for time to pass before i could meet her,
i went to amk library...
i sat there...for awhile...
and suddenly this still voice came speaking to me...
it was God...
as He was speaking,
tears just came rolling down...
it was HE"S healing in process...
there's just alot to say about this but i'll just stop here...

GOD"S WORKS ARE NEVER ENDING.....=)

THAT"S ELMO"S WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

okOk....that sounded abit high....
well....dun blameme if ure gonna read some really crappy post today
cause it's FIRST OF JUNE and i'm really bored out at home...
u see...cause the ceiling isn't high enough...
and supply of food at home isn't enough too...
so...HERE I GO AGAIN...TALKING bout the SKY!!!!!!!

oh yes!
and did i notmention that the sky yesterday was SO CLEAR AND BEAUTIFUL?
it's just TOO GORGEOUS foranything man!
cause.,..
when MISS VANESSA YEO(apparently a faithful sky reporter)
msg me....and when i looked up...(now....start imagining)
i was so DROWNED...under the romance of the moonlight...holding my phone...
starring up...
and all i said was...''God, your creation is ever so beautiful.....''
it really is...the cresent hanging in the midst of the clear, dark blue sky...
was ever so sharp and precise....(now...do u getthe picture???)

awww....and there i was...drunk in the love and the midst of GOd's PERFECT creation!

yea!

hols has just started...
ijust have to be sick on the first day of the holidays....=(
wat luck!
well...i can't blame anyone...
it started with me getting headaches everyday on the last 2weeks of sch...
then from the last day of sch onwards(26may), i started developing sore throat....

but then...how i know....on sunday (28may),
after service ended...i felt ultra nostalgia...
and ya... there i went...
taking van's warmjacket.(it saved some life)
and started sleeping...

after we shifted the place,
there i went...i guess the dust and so forth...made me more sick...
and there i went...feeling so cold..stil have to get some air freshner for church toilet..
and yes..i was like an ant in antartica...
really! believe me...it's not exaggerating...
hai...so...too bad...
there was went i realise that i was having fever!

so once i went back..( u see...i dun tell my parents whether i'm sick)
i fell right straight on the bed after they asked me to do some housework...
and started getting into my dreams....but u see...
SMSes just have to come during my sleep
and being a light sleeper...i'm on a disadvantage...

=S

but thank God...i woke up and didn't felt so feverish...
but my head islike s heavy......................

back to the world...where i see all sorts of people from all walks of like...
wells..today...boring day
BACKTRACKING...

Monday 15th may
--->got back MEP results..and i'm utter disappointed with it...
argh...i just can't stand that marker...making me break my record...
of getting the lowest mark for that practical in my entire life in music...CRAP
--->went for my first Singapore Symphony Chorale rehearsal after a long time..
the next performance is coming up in September...and yea...
it certainly is a privelledge to be able to work with Lim Yau, SSO resident conductor...
it's like a DREAM COME TRUE for me...=)

Tuesday 16th may
--->nothing much la...did some library decorations...
---> then went out to BISHAN JUNCTION 8 to buymyself a set of clothes...
it took me really months before i bear to spend that money...
heart pain....but i thought it would be worth the spend yea?

Wednesday 17th may
---> i guess it's just a bad dayy lahh...some grouping stuff make me so upset
and my tears just couldnt resist...i never felt so sad in school before and ya..
no one saw those silent tears cause i just managed to hold it till i went outside class...

TODAY
---> same thing as wednesday...this time is some geog group...i mean..i just have
to always be sandwiched between few ppl who are spilt into two groups..
one hates the other and vice versa...
it really just piss me of so much and yes!
They made me cry again!

ruthless yea?

today is MONDAY!
and it's been a long time since i am filled with craziness of joy!
oh wells...during newspaper reading period...i was just ''mesmerized'' by this interview
on KEVIN TONG...a local film directer...
wells...i was in love with it for a few reasons...
1)the picture in which was a pose which i like...(staring into space)
2)and because it was an interview of a film director...
3)and a phrase which MR MAN, mediaworkschief operating officer
''All creative people suffer peroids like this (sadness...depression...), even me, but going through ups and downs helps convey emotions when u are telling a story''

hahAS! i really agree with that man! not say i very creative or something but then u see....i think emotions do help a big load in conveying alot of very interesting stories...
----> back to his pose...he was just sitting leaning against the wall...having the sort of
''looking out the window'' look which i kinda fancy...*ahem*

yea...it lOOks....ermm ''artistic'' to me??? i mean...ya that pose is so my personality can?
too bad....but yea...

MR ang heard my loud squeal about that and he asked me wat...wells...and himself, debra, and i started chatting about movies and film directors...
giving comments about the three mission impossible
and we three agreeded that the first one is still more like a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
hahaS!

alright nextly...
MY MUM AGREEDED TO LET ME GO FOR BBQ! PRAISE GOD!

this was passed on by a whole group of friends to me...(actually the whole yr one...but i take my month out only can!?!?!?)

MAY!
Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited

hei...thats just reading for fun la but it's like true...emails are sometimes spiced up by some crazy stuffs.. i really dislike being at home and yes u can read it urself!....

anyway. ya. i think i've been pigging and logging...
sleep sleep sleep...for like 14 hrs on sat....
ok..that is crazy and i know that...
but ya. it helps man!
make me a little more refreshed!

3rd of may....
tell me now...am i suppose to live everyday of my life having to count the number of days i'm actually sick?!?!?

LAST week of april...i was sick...now...may already still sick...
i mean...ya..it's a terrible flu which is making me go all nuts and pissed...
i'm controlling alot of anger and i'm doing it well with the help if God...

it's sochaotic la...i mean it's life. but...i wonder why there are more downs compared to ups..
literature...gosh...core lit students gotta do some creative writing and presentation for their CA..
whe the lit elect students do a dramatisation...

ya...sounds so....not appetizing..and now i'm really stuck here...
i feel like changing the whole tittle to just LIT WRITING...
take the creative word away! oh for goodsake..please!

sighs.....i want to smile continuously..
but...still...thank GOd for vann...for msging me...making me smile...
at least for that moment of time...=)
and i realise it takes great effort to smile when ur muscles are just tensed....

hey yea...it's....29th may! hahAS! i know this is a C r a p statement.
so wat i'm suppose to do here?a PERSONAL RECOUNT?( i bet my eng tch wld be glad to know i'm thinkin abt eng during th weekends)
ya right...very funny eh..

anyways...ya...woke up super late today cause i just loved my softtoys on my bed..
and iwas like Hack care abt the sun which is shining in on my butt...
nothing is better than sleepin when u are so in mood to do so....

well actually the aroma of my mum's cooking woke me up ,
with a sigh of relief that i can save myself from cooking lunch today..
so the smart me...(as usual)...quickly went to hog on the piano
-to prevent her from asking me to do house work...
SMART EH?
and of course she didn't ! hahas! my brother kena!
*evils*
hahAS! well....sometimes a little thinking of strategies help alot in us...
haha!...
i mean...this coming month of MAY..
i'll have like almost countless excuses of escaping house work....!
and here they are...

1)i can say it's my ''inspiration'' month
2)''oh no!i'm busy''
3)hey u! watch out! i'm doing my work!
4)it's the hols...i'm suppose to relax!
5)it's my egg crack day!
6)heehee...laour day cannot labour!
7)vesak day is not for me to work as well!
8)saturday and sunday is my energy recuperating time
9)i gotta seek the Lord
10)come on man...it's only may and i've be hardworking
11)my room is spick and span(if it is)
12)i mean...i'm just a gal...growing up
13)let me enjoy my last few days of being FOURTEEN
14)wait till i get married then i'll do more housework
15) i guess ure free?

alright i guess the list will never end of excuses not to do housework but who cares! haha!
of course i'll be good and do sometimnes but ya! hahas!
yea...i'm crazy la!
getting high!

it's just a typical life that goes on... absurb it may be...
interesting it tells....the sorrows it bears...the knowledge it harvest...
but nevertheless...our life,is our testimony...
ourlife, is what brings the sweetness of GOd out...

well....it's thursday today...and i want to declare tat there's no more test for the week...
but next week have lor...
wells...so much for being nuts...sick..still sick actually...crazy...anxious....depressed
for the first part of the week
FIVE TEST in TWO DAYS.....
i think that's little nuts...

it's fast...a week just went unknowingly...
reubs gonna off on wed night....*hmmms*
changed for the better...
so loved....
alright....shouldn't continue before.....................*grins*

monday is today....
school was BORING LAHH!
crap one...
well...did i ever mentioned i liked school?
sadly no lahh...

but today...i'll tell ya something
I LOVE MUSIC CLASS EVERY MONDAYS...
the ppl there are SOOOOOO LOVABLE!
sarah (my mushroom head twin)...cheryl (pao face)....germaine (icebreaker).....jenelle (...sandra (pros)....hui ching (quiet fairy)....
and did i missed out any of u lovable ppl?
speaking abt them lovable sisters in christ...
i just gotta say...
THEY BRING THE MOST JOY INTO MY LIFE!

i dunno why i have throwing tantrums these two days...
is like just yesterday(tuesday) when i went to schol early in the morning i just slammed my chem book on e table
and screamed back at daphne when she asked me something...
i admittedd...i was very very stress about chemistry CA....and ya...very foul mood indeed...
then during group work..
.gek teng said something...and i also threw my temper at her...haii...ya...
she was saying some stuffs that made me not happy..but the fact is that i dun throw my tantrums!
and yes...
daphne was very shocked at me cause she never seen me screamed or shouted at anyone in my whole life...sighs...
and just today...i was also in a foul mood..going against stuffs...and just getting very HOT tempered...and yes...

but...i really wanna thank God for daphne...for all her massages that she provide me each time i was hot...sighs......................sorry la...but....ya...

ups and downs..that's life..but?????? i'm tired of everything...serious...

If these walls could talk,
you'd know my body is dead,
my mind has been taken over,
that's why I am so scared,
I can't control it,
anger is making me blind,
I've been left here on my own
chained to a hate of some kind.
If these walls could talk.

If these walls could talk,
you'd know about my fears,
about all those nights I screamed for help,
about all my fallen tears.
You'd know about the demons
haunting me at night,you'd be able to help me
keep my fire alight,if these walls could talk.

If these walls could talk
they would say that it's all right,
God sends His angels
to look over me at night.
They'd encourage me,
say though I am alone
it doesn't mean I am on my own.
He watches me, from above
and showers me with all His love,
if only these walls could talk

been a long time sinced i blogged....
there have been many a time...i wanted to give up in life...
especially these two weeks....a bane i would have thought...
many thoughts came through my mind...
all frail...and negative...what could i do in life?
i can't give up, though i wanted to...i admitted....
there was many a times where i felt horribly negative....
nothing was jsut there for me......
i know there was God....but.......it's a delusion...i wanted to do something which i'm not suppose to...it was a sudden verge of mind..a reality in life...i couldn't face but have to..
i have yet to fulfil.i have yet to see....
i have yet to feel...........
the goodness of life...

for once i'm back early....
wells..ya...had choir yesterday..
i wonder wat is CHORAL EXCELLENCE
cause i'm like one of the 10 selected to go for it in july..
all i know is that the moe ppl will be there which is like...OH NO...
screamed so much during sectionals too...and haha! i sounded like some gay...with a sore throat..!
went to school this morning and was SICK!
so practically every tch came in wondering where that little chicken's voice is...
hahAS! =)
it feels good to be home for once in this year...
there's SO MUCH FOOD FOR ME TO EAT!
and it's a joy to me ! ain't it?
heee....

back after quite some time...
back track....

SUNDAY
went to church...this time i was doing the OHP...
but it's still a service...during worship...i was touched once again...
for a few reasons...
one is because of the music played by the musicians...
yea..
then went home had sometime with God...
i jus really didn't expect that God would touched me so often...but ya He's GOOD

MONDAY
it's the Hols and yes...went for morning prayers...then went out with VAn n eLim...
bought some music ministry stuffs...then went a little crazy...
they're going off to our mother church in HOngkoNg...
*weeps*

TUESDAY
went for morning prayers too...
er...oh ya....then cheerleading practice...
then went back to church for service prac...
i'll be alone on e instruments on sunday....sighs...cause they're going off...
when i reached home...went to my piano...worshipped God while playing...
then i just cried...
i was just sad...rather personal...
but...ya...so much tears that have flown recently...
so much healing that took place...
how could i not say THANK U,MY FATHER...

WEDNESDAY
went batam..nothing much...synergy starts today...
i could even feel God's presence at batam...
how amazing....
went shopping and stuff..wasted alot of time..
played GO-CART...
hahas....

THURSDAY
spent more time with God...
slacked at home..
went to pla 5 games of bowling
and i kinda went broke...
but i just love it...

where's the crossbearers? i miss them....soon! soon!

TODAY!
finaly...wells had cheerleading. it was screwed...trust me it really was...
now i'm home...feeling nervous...
cause...sat and sun are coming...
gotta pray for anoiting....
*jelly fingers*

How great is our God...

alright had church service yesterday.
despite all that is done... i still wanna thank GOd for bringing me through
and He was very very pleased witht the youth fellowship...
yeah! all thanks to van for guiding me through too!=)

blar blar blar....(fast forward)
then had quiet time...
was so greatly touched by God...i cried and cried...
actually during the Holy Communion time...i was already touched but
i held back...cause i was playin the keyboard....
sighs...no one knows me better than anything besides God...

He who took the sadness away gave me a very peaceful sound sleep...
i'll pray for a good week ahead...

i miss the times...when i came online at home...listening to christian songs...
it's the 3rd of march today...
my God...
He healed me of my hurts...
except one...i really need and want that thing back...
the evil one...i've been drifting apart from this person whom i really love as a sister...

i prayed...i just feel depressed....
cause...i dun want to say...

He revealed another thing He wanted me to do on monday...
actually last year i already know...but i din't obey...
GOD I'M SORRY...
on the 28th feb...it was the third time GOd called me to do that thing..
i admitted...something hindered me from doing so...
i was afraid of something...

i'll share that whole testimony once that things is being done...
i need u...
GOd..
renew my life Lord JEsus...
take my life...

i cried before u....
u heard me...
and asked if i was ready....
WHY?
God...u were so patient to wait for me...
i'm not worthy of ur wait...
sorry...
forgive me Lord?

long time no blog ya...am i suppose to blog this sentence each time i come and blog?
cause wells oh u can always say that it's the freaky reason that my internet connection is totally freakingly spoiled..
but oh wells..
who cares about all this yet?
-imperfect-

''do i know u?''
''wells perhaps u do...but...''
''oh yeah...ure right huh?''

crap ain't it?

but life is imperfections?
agree or not too bad...
it's the best way i can portray those faint dainty art pieces...

craps...

lit teacher::''so class...what do u think macbeth would feel since malcom was crowed the king?''
student::''He would be thinking...'wat the crap man!' ''
lit teacher::''besides that word?''
(laughters)
Student::''i dun know teacher but it's the crappiness that i know of now! =P''

it's....wednesday today...
shall back track a little...
had maths and econs CA yesterday...
and during math CA...i was so frustrated with the paper...
and...a tear dropped on my answer script..
sad...but...i was so frustrated...
nothing could explain my feelings then...except a tear drop
i just had every single idea of dropping that subject...but i can't...

economics wasn't that bad....but...i know if i can pass that essay...it's a miracle...=)
yah...my day was that bad though it was valentines day...
received lots of pretty roses...
thanks to all my friends!=)

and something happy!
i received a gummy lolly from tasha! so sweet...through my brother! hahas!
LOVE YA LOADIES TASHA!

went for tightening today...
i seriously can't call that a tightening...
cause i dun feel pain which is so miraculous...
everyone told me that the pain is untolerable...
but it wasn't this case for me! =)
PRAISE GOD...!

but now...
i just long for one thing...
can anyone fulfil this wish i have now?

give me 24hrs of peace...no one disturbing me...
and let me spend those precious time with GOD...
I miss spending those LONG precious time with Him..
cause QT has been less than 20 mins...which is sad...
disturbance...
take that away will someone?

my appologies everyone it's been a long time since i blogged and ya...
to those loyal readers....
eh...ya...
HAPPY valentines day! =)
ahahs!
wels yeah schools been good and i've been like enjoying myself........
(like real sometimes)
hahAS!
God's been WONDERFUL too!
had service today and was healed emotionally by my heavenly father!
He who knows all my problems heals..
listens and HELPS!
yes and amen!

in natonial library now hahas!
was lost...
and finally found my way though it's my second time here!

my dream...
i want my school to be NAFA!
i dun mind being a full time student there!
=P

but....
i'll see...
i'll let God plan my life and my days! =) yay!
praise God for all that happened!=)
see ya all sooN!

HEY PEOPLE!!!! misssed me??? hahas! joking!
it's been a long time since i got a chance to blog cause my internet connection was totally down...

lots to update...but one thing i must really say is that GOd had been blessing me a whole lot and stuff....He's been hearing my prayers and asnwering them...
it isn't the blessing that we want to go for...
He taught me many lesssons during days and quiet times...
and the most wonderful thing i have to know is that
Jesus Christ my lord will always and forever be by my side!=)
yuP....school's really like wonderful and stuff....
with many hilarious events going on!
except for those times which i could blow up cause it's just stressful lahhs...
one example...
MATHS!

but God has pulled me through...
He's been constantly reminding me to go to Him in times of trouble..
and that i should not be nervous to spread His gospel!

YES!
oOooOoOoO my class rawks!
my friends in there rocks too! =)

i can't belive the way your love has got a hold on me
each morning i wake to find u near...
u lift me above my fears and set my feet on solid grounds...
all of my days belong to u.

second day of school....
got to know our teachers as they come in every lesson...
for some reason...i just keep ending up in front ...
i that short mehh? hahas! kidding lahh ....
wells...yupp...
i have to confess one thing...

I REALLY HATE MATHS AND THE TEACHER>.<

but i'll try to love...
when she came in...
it was so stressful for me till i almost either teared or went breathless!
yes.
it's a confession...
she came in talking about tests and stuffs...
and...my oh my...thank God it was the last lesson or I"LL DIE !

economics is er......
ya...new subject...
and i just dun get it....is either my name on the register is printed
a little larger than the rest or wat...
hahas!
cause i keep getting called by almost every teacher non stop!
hahAS!
dun pay attention also will die...
hahAS!

yes.yes.yes...it's school...
so many subjects...i got a difficulty...
just somehow...
like a mountain piling on me...but ill get use to it....

i just gotta thank God for the class He gave me....
the looney toones are ALL in my class!
the triplets are in my class!
and so many that i know!
=))))))))

first day of school..
all the talks and stuffs....
boring...but...they somehow stirred alot of stress into me...
as wat is said...i shall take them as challenges and not be afraid of it...

got to know my teachers...
hahas! cute!
i think and i hope i'll enjoy my class this year!
the people so rawk and stuff...
different character
and i shall learn to get along with them...

i've learnt alot from God...
he's really been guiding me through...
and ....he's teaching me something new everyday...

i will and i'm willing to do wat God has planed for me...
but i shall learn to persevere in times of troubles! =)
yeah!
3E1!
WHEE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
hahAS! i really have to proclaim....
in my 14 yrs....being on earth...this year...yes...2005...
is my BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!
it's so full of meaning...having to get close to my crossbearers...celebrating christmas...with JESUS CHRIST's love in me...
is really good...

this year's christmas is definately VERY VERY SPECIAL to me!
i received so many presents...
and they really mean alot alot to me...
God blessed me alot through the gifts...
He knows...and He blesses!
thank u...
THANK U CROSSBEARERS!
I LOVE U ALL TO BITS!
all the presents and love...
THANK U!

not only presents...
i received alot of my Lord...my saviour...JESUS CHRIST...
He filled me with so much surprises and everything...
HE!poured words of LOVE...and blessings upon me...

i'm very touched today...yes i definately am...
thankful...grateful...joyful...tat's all in me..
how can i express my love for u all!!!!!!!
I LOVE MY LORD JESUS CHRIST!

christmas...
it's not only the season of thanksgiving...
but...a season...where God's love is spreaded...
and received by many many people!=)